on running/illness:

i love to run. it makes me feel very healthy & very satisfied. sometimes it is fun to do, especially when the weather is nice. although i haven't attempted to run very long distances as of yet, my ultimate goal is to be able to run a half marathon. some people are funny runners. i like to snicker at them a little bit, but then i think twice & realize that i probably look equally ridiculous, if not more so. i stop snickering.

i hate to be sick. i have been sick for practically two weeks with at least three separate illnesses. being sick makes me feel helpless (because i cannot do some things for myself), guilty (because i could potentially infect my roommates, boyfriend, classmates, or basically anyone whom i come in contact with, & also because i have to cancel plans), & lame (um, because i am fatigued & i go to bed ridiculously early every night, & also because my voice is gone & i sound like a monster).

hopefully the running that i have been doing daily will cancel out the sickness that i have contracted. like an equation that looks like this: (sickness)/(running) x (running)/(sickness) = 0

juice should factor into there somewhere, but i'm not a math major (& i haven't taken a class in years & years), so i don't know just how. whatever. anyway. i'm going now.

salida del sol:

on monday i watched the sun rise in my rearview mirror. a sunrise is a beautiful phenomenon that i don't see nearly enough.

on tuesday i skipped all of my classes & instead spent the day hooked up to an iv at the university urgent care facility.

on wednesday i slept. a lot.

& on thursday i took a two-hour nap & purchased netflix, two things which i may or may not later regret.

snow:

it has been snowing outside all afternoon. i have stayed inside in my bed, listening to the flakes fall on the tree outside my window, on the sidewalk, on the windowsill, watching it collect on the cars, on the driveway, on the flower beds, but not on the grass.

i have also been reading & crying all afternoon; i just finished 'extremely loud & incredibly close' by jonathan safran foer. it was absolutely amazing & touching & well written. a true & complete work of art. books like this make me want to be a writer. i know that it will never happen, because i lack the talent & the confidence in myself, but it is a nice thing to think about sometimes.

arctic blast:

it is sooo cold in here! my fingers! my toes! i can't get warm!

home-body:

the holidays have been great. every time i get ready to come back home*, i am a bit apprehensive. not to sound snobbish, but i usually consider sour lake/beaumont to be sort of depressing. thankfully, my amazing, hilarious, ridiculous parents & sisters more than make up for the deficiencies of the location. so, when my family is able to briefly refrain from farting or yelling or making lude & politically incorrect remarks, i really enjoy spending time with them. i will be sad to leave.



*i refer to both sour lake & austin as "home." in this instance i am referring to sour lake. i have not quite made up my mind which home is real & which is a pseudo-home. i am not even sure that this is a decision which must be made.

aah:

i don't like waiting until the last minute! why do i do this to myself? it seems as if time moves doubly fast when i need just a little bit more of it.

i saw joanna newsom last night at the parish. she was so wonderful & so beautiful with her big harp & her tiny voice; it made me want to cry & laugh & sleep & dance all at the same time.

love/hate:

most of the time rosie, our dog, & ollie, our cat, pretend like they hate each other. they are constantly bickering, they purposefully eat one another's food, ollie tries to claw rosie when she walks past & to pounce on her when she uses the restroom, rosie ignores ollie's existence. but then, every once in a while, i catch them doing something like this, which alters my whole perspective:


ollie touching rosie's ass with both paws? & rosie allowing it to happen? i think that something is up. a little cat/dog love/hate romance, perhaps.

on modernity:

i have recently come to strongly dislike the word "modernity." why? because two of my professors this semester have used the word countless times in lecture, a situation which would not be bad in itself if it were not for their terrible pronunciation of the word: "mow-dare-nity" (with unusually strong emphasis on the dare) rather than "mo-dur-nity." this slight difference may not be discernable to some ears, but i actually cringe every time i hear the word come up in lecture.

in other news, anna had her wisdom teeth removed this morning & the medication has affected her hilariously. also, i have successfully wasted three hours of my day doing i-don't-even-know-what.

a puzzle:

last night over dinner (peas, chicken strips, & lightly fried potatoes; we're scrimping for food, refusing to go to the grocery store until it is absolutely necessary), carmen & i discussed our recent, previously unspoken infatuation with crossword puzzles. it's true: the past few weeks the three of us have been stocking up on newspapers, making a habit of working on crosswords together over lunch, or leaving the puzzles on the kitchen table, unfinished, for the next person to complete at her leisure.

the puzzle that we worked on yesterday evening was particularly tough. i gave up at least three times, kept going back, & ended up leaving the uppermost left block unfinished overnight. i think that the incompletion spurred this dream:

a group of students at a college were to make a crossword puzzle for a newspaper. the puzzle was published. i attempted to complete it; i just knew that the answer to 10 across had to be something or another, i can't remember what, but it just wouldn't fit because there weren't enough blank squares. it turns out that the puzzle was un-completeable!! a joke! a trick!

anyhow, i woke up this morning frustrated about this situation, but with the answer to 6 down on the tip of my tongue: "idols!" i dashed (or shuffled, rather; it was early) to the kitchen & penciled it in.

i must put an end to this obsession. it is kind of ruining my life.

thanks a lot:

in light of the upcoming holiday, i realize that i have much to be thankful for. great friends, amazing family. my health. however, i also have much to be thankless about: upcoming papers & exams, for example. anxiety regarding these assignments hits me in waves; i have recurring hot-flashes & a constant sinking stomach.

so, two weeks to complete three papers (totaling 25 pages all together), one analytical outline (10 pages), one spanish cultural presentation (to last 15 minutes), & one final exam. putting it down in numbers like this didn't help the situation as i thought it might. such an overwhelming undertaking. i'm going to stop bitching now & get to work.